Things My Obituary Won’t Say

  • She was a terrible friend, but very codependent. Only truly happy in the company of others.
  • Her kitchen should have had a Michelin star for its creations.
  • Despite not believing in herself, she had amazing on-stage presence and lived for the spotlight and podium.
  • Perpetually late and hater of mornings.
  • Every day she drank a huge glass of milk, between meals of cucumbers & fast food.
  • Never met a dog she liked.
  • Immediately warm to strangers, but an utter teetotaler who abstained most of all from caffeine.
  • Extremely unloyal, traded jobs & friends like last year’s fashions.
  • Lover of rolling in grass, dusty rooms, hairballs from all breed of animal.
  • The patience of a saint, wonderful most notably with toddlers.
  • Avid board game player who never met a tabloid she didn’t buy.
  • Wearer of expensive perfume and elegant lady shoes (the higher the heel the better).
  • Never cracked a book except to see if it had pictures.
  • Utterly risk averse. Unwilling to go for her dreams, lest she never be hired again.

How will you NOT be remembered? Happy Friday!