Things My Obituary Won’t Say

  • She was a terrible friend, but very codependent. Only truly happy in the company of others.
  • Her kitchen should have had a Michelin star for its creations.
  • Despite not believing in herself, she had amazing on-stage presence and lived for the spotlight and podium.
  • Perpetually late and hater of mornings.
  • Every day she drank a huge glass of milk, between meals of cucumbers & fast food.
  • Never met a dog she liked.
  • Immediately warm to strangers, but an utter teetotaler who abstained most of all from caffeine.
  • Extremely unloyal, traded jobs & friends like last year’s fashions.
  • Lover of rolling in grass, dusty rooms, hairballs from all breed of animal.
  • The patience of a saint, wonderful most notably with toddlers.
  • Avid board game player who never met a tabloid she didn’t buy.
  • Wearer of expensive perfume and elegant lady shoes (the higher the heel the better).
  • Never cracked a book except to see if it had pictures.
  • Utterly risk averse. Unwilling to go for her dreams, lest she never be hired again.

How will you NOT be remembered? Happy Friday!

Valerie Lanard

Valerie Lanard

I am a fitness buff, engineering leader, and wearables lover. This blog originally started as part of my now-defunct fitness video startup, Gigabody. It has evolved to encompass my writing on tech and work culture as well. Find me on a bike, on a hike, in a skort, or near a usb port.

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